How to feel

Most feelings I don’t understand
Foreign beings in my mind
Some strangely familiar
Yet out of reach
Nearly physical
Mostly overwhelming
And if I have to be honest
Sometimes I wish they disappeared

Then I lay covered in love
Feeling alive, calm and powerful
In a blissful ignorance
Wrapped up in faith

I forget I get hurt
And I get hurt a lot

My mind buzzes like pouring sand
Logic is left far behind
Emotions once tamed
Now rage unleashed
My body is crying
My body is yelling
And if I have to be honest
Losing control fills me with fear

Then I smell the coffee you made
I leap into joy, dance in the living room
Going blind for you
Again and again

I forget I get hurt
And I get hurt a lot

In your eyes

When the morning starts alone
I no longer care
Days come and days go
A fragile, subtle hand

A kiss, soft breeze
I tried to be a friend
You’re the sun and I’m the moon
I have to put it to rest

A glimpse of a smile
Like a ray of sun
Cut through my endless night
And just like that
You saved my heart
From such poisonous act

Like fire, like wind
Two souls came to meet
I tried to run, I tried to fight
But was left in defeat

Days come and days go
A fragile, subtle hand
When the morning starts alone
I no longer care

Who we are, who we can be

So you want to escape
What are you running from
Is it your father’s arms
Or your mother’s quiet storm

I wish I was a cloud
I could drift through the sky
Make the sun only mine
And sing for everyone

I wish I was a mountain
Have a thick tough skin
Not to bow to anyone
Not even knowing how

Then you want to begin
What are you waiting for
Some sort of forgiveness
Or your own doubts to grow

I wish I was a wind
Careless, free and swift
Carry sweet seeds of life
Chase after the sunlight

I wish I was a river
Creating my own paths
Have a will strong as a stream
Living life to the extreme

So you want to achieve
What are you hoping for
Privilege and light treatment
Results you didn’t work for

Day after night

Moon slipping through black feathers of the night
Sunlight of the previous day forgotten
We lay immobile, unaware
Entangled in dreams, covered in sheets
The weight of the world keeping us in place

I hear the birds before I can see the dawn
Our breaths in harmony
Soft touch breaks the seal of sleep
The mind starts climbing into this new day
Our eyes calm, warm, satisfied

We spread our arm and let the world claim us
With eyes wide open we breathe in the light of the morning sun
Cool air hums with a promise of a new beginning
I reach for you and you reach for me
Together we welcome whatever may happen

You are what you read

Some words curse, some words cure
Some make you bold, some not so sure
Words can grow wisdom, words can grow love
Purify heart, lit light in your soul
But avoid those that spark hate or urge hurt
Those that chain others or end life too soon
So don’t wait too long, get what you need
Remember forever: you are what you read

Yesterday I went to Rebel Book Club book-swap meeting. Amazing atmosphere of deep thought about the current world affairs, challenges we face and hope that we all carry in our hearts. I always strive to broaden my horizons whenever I can and this book club is certainly one of the most valuable ways to do so. It’s strictly a non-fiction company so if you decide to join you can expect deep arguments or controversial research or theories.
It was a book-swap so everyone brought a book that in one way or another changed their life, world view or character and then exchanged it with a book someone else brought. I chose to bring The Descent of Man by Grayson Perry. It is a small book with only 140 pages. But there is power there. There is an explanation of things that lead our lives without us noticing them. It is a book written to make us understand each other and the social norms that shape and govern us. It’s a book about how to navigate being a man, especially now in the #metoo era. It’s a male version of We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and just as I always recommend that one, I also recommend this one with all my heart. It opens our eyes to the other side of the issue of gender equality by taking in the other half of the population – men. For me, this book brings a bit of balance to the issue of feminism as it concentrates on masculinity. The concept, the culture, the execution, the toxicity.
The book I got was Calm the F**k Down by Sarah Knight because in this always rushing world everyone needs a bit of peace and just calm the f*** down.
You are what you read, so read what enriches you and makes you a better person.
What book has changed your views or left a lasting impression you just can’t shake off?

Of the sea and wind

When the sea comes to me
I’ll be a wave crashing so near
A deeper thought
A deeper sound
And you’ll be my new found land

So will you hold me
Until my last shallow breath
Will you love me
If it’s the last thing you have

Cause every now and then
I feel the time go by
And it’s just a short breath
Or is it just a lonely sigh?

We spend so much time apart
So is it even real?
I always try to make it right
And keep my heart concealed

Last time you burst in like a river
I didn’t have time to run
Your passion swept me in a flood
And, oh, it took my life
And I wanted to forget and I wanted to scream
But darling there is no escape, we were meant to be

If the wind comes chasing me
I’ll be a rock standing so still
Or like a tree
Or like a cloud
And you’ll be the king I crown

Let there be light

No matter what I do
I won’t ever be good enough for you
And you can hear me crying
When magic within us is dying
And the world needs it now
Like I need you, my moon, my sun

And then you said
‘Let there be light’
Time after time there was no place to hide
Slipping through my fingers
Days, months and years
Not coming back ever again

Because the last time I saw your eyes
They were like a clear blue sky
I don’t know what went wrong
Now they only carry storm

If I could be brand new
There is so much shit I wouldn’t do
And I know I was lying
When I said we would be flying
Why is it that you don’t care how
You’ll leave this Earth and turn to dust

We were drifting for so long
My head felt so light
Every rainy day was below us
Above us only stars

And then you said
‘Let there be light’

Trying to bring me down

I’ve been in trouble
I don’t know what I’ve done so wrong
Tried to be above all
Mistakes I made and lies I told

Let’s go, give me something to think about
Let’s go, cause they’re all just trying to bring me down
They’re all just trying to bring me down

You want a quick score
Don’t you think you’re a bit too old?
I want a peace talk
And I won’t be waiting anymore 

And I won’t give in
This insanity is spiraling
And I won’t commit
To this farce, it’s just embarrassing

Come on, I’m dropping down to my knees
Come on, my mind will never be at ease
Let’s go, give me something to think about
Let’s go, cause they’re all just trying to bring me down
They’re all just trying to bring me down

All over again

No, I don’t know how to feel
It has always been a guess
I am numb and out of reach
Only outrageously stressed
Will I ever be a bride
Will I know how to lie
How to cope with sleepless nights
Hiding from you in plain sight

My, oh my, future husband
My, oh my, depression is calling
Is it too late to say I’m sorry?
You give advice that I keep ignoring

It’s the same row
All over again
It’s not my fault
That you don’t understand me

I can only testify
I did not commit a crime
Sadness is a normal thing
But I know what you all think
I am strange and I’m a bore
Frankly, I don’t care no more
I’m not rich, still insecure
Dream I’m wearing haute couture

My, oh my, future children
My, oh my, anxiety is growing
Is it too late to say “don’t worry”?
You give me love that I keep ignoring

And it’s the same row
All over again
It’s not your fault
That you don’t understand me
How could you understand me?
Nobody understands me

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