Of the sea and wind

When the sea comes to me
I’ll be a wave crashing so near
A deeper thought
A deeper sound
And you’ll be my new found land

So will you hold me
Until my last shallow breath
Will you love me
If it’s the last thing you have

Cause every now and then
I feel the time go by
And it’s just a short breath
Or is it just a lonely sigh?

We spend so much time apart
So is it even real?
I always try to make it right
And keep my heart concealed

Last time you burst in like a river
I didn’t have time to run
Your passion swept me in a flood
And, oh, it took my life
And I wanted to forget and I wanted to scream
But darling there is no escape, we were meant to be

If the wind comes chasing me
I’ll be a rock standing so still
Or like a tree
Or like a cloud
And you’ll be the king I crown

Let there be light

No matter what I do
I won’t ever be good enough for you
And you can hear me crying
When magic within us is dying
And the world needs it now
Like I need you, my moon, my sun

And then you said
‘Let there be light’
Time after time there was no place to hide
Slipping through my fingers
Days, months and years
Not coming back ever again

Because the last time I saw your eyes
They were like a clear blue sky
I don’t know what went wrong
Now they only carry storm

If I could be brand new
There is so much shit I wouldn’t do
And I know I was lying
When I said we would be flying
Why is it that you don’t care how
You’ll leave this Earth and turn to dust

We were drifting for so long
My head felt so light
Every rainy day was below us
Above us only stars

And then you said
‘Let there be light’

Trying to bring me down

I’ve been in trouble
I don’t know what I’ve done so wrong
Tried to be above all
Mistakes I made and lies I told

Let’s go, give me something to think about
Let’s go, cause they’re all just trying to bring me down
They’re all just trying to bring me down

You want a quick score
Don’t you think you’re a bit too old?
I want a peace talk
And I won’t be waiting anymore 

And I won’t give in
This insanity is spiraling
And I won’t commit
To this farce, it’s just embarrassing

Come on, I’m dropping down to my knees
Come on, my mind will never be at ease
Let’s go, give me something to think about
Let’s go, cause they’re all just trying to bring me down
They’re all just trying to bring me down

All over again

No, I don’t know how to feel
It has always been a guess
I am numb and out of reach
Only outrageously stressed
Will I ever be a bride
Will I know how to lie
How to cope with sleepless nights
Hiding from you in plain sight

My, oh my, future husband
My, oh my, depression is calling
Is it too late to say I’m sorry?
You give advice that I keep ignoring

It’s the same row
All over again
It’s not my fault
That you don’t understand me

I can only testify
I did not commit a crime
Sadness is a normal thing
But I know what you all think
I am strange and I’m a bore
Frankly, I don’t care no more
I’m not rich, still insecure
Dream I’m wearing haute couture

My, oh my, future children
My, oh my, anxiety is growing
Is it too late to say “don’t worry”?
You give me love that I keep ignoring

And it’s the same row
All over again
It’s not your fault
That you don’t understand me
How could you understand me?
Nobody understands me

Ain’t nothing back for me

Your face imprinted deep in my brain
I know this time is gonna be exactly the same
Hands down and head down, you know the rules
But I forget them until I’m bound to lose

You want my time?
You want my heart?

But baby, you don’t give it back
Ain’t nothing back for me
You just play around
I jump around
I do it all, baby
But ain’t nothing back for me

Yes, people say ‘I’m not going anywhere’
And people swear, oh yes
‘You’re my only love affaire’

You still want my soul?
You always want more

But baby, you don’t give it back
Ain’t nothing back for me
You just play around
I jump around
I’d do it all, baby
But ain’t nothing back for me

Ain’t nothing back for me

I will give love

It’s hard to admit that it wasn’t it
I broke into pieces
When you left me here

I held my love in my cold, cold hands
The love that I wished knew no end

So help me, Lord
I feel so alone
I lost my soul
Since he’s been gone

I held my love in my empty, empty heart
The love that I wished could survive

But I will grow into flowers, clouds and wind
To help me redeem all my past sins
And I will forget about all that I did
And I will give love
Though never receive

a night with you

After the curtain call
We let the sun in
Bathed in the morning light
Our bodies skin to skin

Come now, don’t hold back
We’ll have an eternal feast
Grab all that you can eat
Bitter, sour or sweet

For blessed are those who dine with the gods
Damned are those who don’t drink their wine
If you’re ready
I am too
Let the sacrifice be made

East from the seven seas
A garden lays ahead
Carrying our sins
We walk through its holy gates

Come now, we’re going down
Stepping from pedestals
Leave your pride far behind
Spread your wings and fly

We’re made in the image of the gods
So why we don’t ever feel enough?
If you let go
I will too
Will the dreams and fears come true

Heaven

 

Have you ever wondered

Why the wind runs so wild?

An enchanted breath of gods

Playing like a child

 

Oh, how much I miss those days

When I was young and free

Always laughing, always charmed

And forever the wind I’ll be

 

Have you ever wondered why

The sky is so damn high?

Ever tempting yet unsure

Am I wrong or is there more?

 

We all wonder, we all guess

Sometimes more and sometimes less

Is it the biggest of all lies

That we’ll end up in the sky?

 

***

Hey guys! So I decided to experiment with words a bit more than usual here. I hope you enjoyed it!

Let me know what you think!

Bloody Tuesday

Having a needle in your arm and feeling a bit weak and lightheaded is not the most comfortable way to spend your time. But knowing that you might be saving someone’s life makes it worth it.

I can’t really say when I decided I wanted to give blood. A friend here, a friend there talked about it or gave blood. It was somewhere at the back of my mind that was resurfacing now and again. 

I did my first research how to get to it a few years ago. Sadly, I wasn’t eligible as a donor needs to weight more than 50 kg. So I let it go. Until now, that is. I am now an owner of a solid 50.5 kg body and to celebrate this fact I signed up as a donor. 

The registration process is quite simple and doesn’t take much time. Choosing time and location in London does. Because you can’t go during working hours (here choosing a spot is easy peasy) because you’re going on holiday, because you have a BJJ competition or because you’re partying the whole weekend. So I scheduled my appointment 3 months ahead. And here it finally came. 

The day before I got a friendly text with a link about how to prepare for the donation. On the day, just a reminder to eat well and drink plenty of water. It is not advisable to exercise on the day of your donation or even the day before. 

Once you show up to your appointment you need to read through a welcoming brochure to get to know how the whole process works and what are the potential risks. It is also available online. In the waiting room, there are plenty of snacks and drinks to take care of while you’re waiting. 

After they call your name you go with a very friendly nurse to an examination room to see if you’re eligible. So they stab your finger and squeeze a drop of blood out of it to conduct a simple blood test. If you pass the test you can go straight to the donation room. 

It was a nice surprise to me how relaxed the atmosphere was. The doctors and nurses circled between the chairs, tubes, documents, and people. I climbed onto a dentist-like chair and sacrificed my arm on an armrest. The nurse measured my blood pressure again and instructed me on some minor exercises to do during the donation. I also needed to clench and open my fist to make the blood flow easier. They also recommend clenching and unclenching the buttocks to make it even more fun. 

blood

I absolutely cannot watch a needle in my arm so once the nurse got a hold of it I looked the other way. To further distract myself I put on a video on Youtube with some puppies, I’ll link it below. In total, I had a needle in my arm for about 15 minutes and I didn’t look at it once. 

When the time came another nurse came to take the needle out and put the bag with my blood aside. I didn’t expect the bag to be so big! It was nearly a pint of blood, but still, I have never seen so much blood before, even if contained in a bag. 

After the donation, they take you back to the waiting room and give more drinks and snacks and keep an eye on you if you feel bad. I drank a cup of water and after sitting for a few minutes I got going as I was already late to meet my friend. 

We went to a nearby restaurant and I got a big burger to get some iron into my system because, you know, doctor’s orders. I also drank a liter of water to refill the fluids in my body. 

burger

In general, I felt fine, just got really tired in the tube and I was yawning every 5 minutes. I slept like a log, though. The next day was ok too, but I still felt tired and a bit lightheaded when I did a sudden movement. No BJJ training happen, but a lot of food and water did. 

For a final touch, I just want to say that I am grateful that I have a healthy body and because of that I can help others in need. Accidents happen every day and every day someone needs blood. It could be me, it could be you, it could be someone you love. So if you’re eligible to give blood and want to spread some love and kindness, don’t hesitate, it is not a bad experience. And if you don’t feel like doing it alone, maybe we can go together next time! 

Love you all,
SW

Register as a donor: https://www.blood.co.uk/

Distract yourself during the donation with this video:

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